Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
