You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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