And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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