Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
