no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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