tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
