Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i out mim tonsoeep
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