Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
