and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize