i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize