I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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