I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
