You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
