I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
