guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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