508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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