You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
