worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
