Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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