it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
