I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
