Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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