He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize