Jerry, you need to find god
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
