i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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