i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i would one night stand the shit outta him
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
