Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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