News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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