I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Quick, to the slutcave!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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