I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
