Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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