Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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