Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
