Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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