He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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