Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
