so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
