Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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