I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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