so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
