I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
it was like his penis was on wheels.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
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