Four minutes until I can fart!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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