dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
