i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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