Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
