I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
