Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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