i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I have demons in me.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
