This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
