just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
