I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
