Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
