the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
