the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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