would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
