Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
