Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The adults are the big ones right?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize