It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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