Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
