he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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