You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
