I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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