In the future we'll all be gay
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
