making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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