none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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