How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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