Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
