I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
