I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize