Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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