woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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