chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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