So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
