I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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